You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
