it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
