there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
