You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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