im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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