I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
