Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
