with your own penis?
So drunk its hurt
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
