Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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