420 ftw
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
