i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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