State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
