Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
