If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
