Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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