Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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