we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
