he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
