I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
