We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's just like the Real World with babies
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
