so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
