bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
