she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
