Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
