I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
