I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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