atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
