I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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