Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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