so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
