Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
