everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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