He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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