I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
