I think my fart just growled at me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
