The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
