I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
