I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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