Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
