OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
