Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
