she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
