wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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