Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
