im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
