i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
