Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
