Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
