god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hippo gnu deer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
