So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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