We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
