her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
